For a long time, I thought I didn’t really have strong sides.

Just a lot of weaknesses.

I’m a software engineer, but not the kind of person who lives only in code and closed tickets. People, context, and product have always mattered to me. I quickly see potential. I get excited about ideas. I want to help. I want things to work out. There is even a name for this: glue engineer. And it is a good trait. You could even call it an advantage.

But without discipline, it can easily become a trap. Because if you see potential everywhere, you start saying “yes” too often. If relationships matter to you, you may avoid difficult conversations.

And when you don’t want to disappoint people, you stay silent exactly when you need to say:

  • I can’t take this on.

And here is what I realised - probably later than I should have:

  • Relationship does not break because of an honest boundary.
  • Relationship breaks because of a boundary that comes too late.

Failures are painful not only because something did not work out. They are painful because they often show a distorted version of yourself. And what hurts even more is that you may end up disappointing people, even though that was exactly what you were trying to avoid.

The desire to take responsibility becomes taking on too much. The ability to see opportunities becomes lack of focus. The fear of disappointing people becomes the fear of saying “no”. Flexibility becomes a lack of boundaries. And the hard part is that it is still a balancing act. If you go along with everything, you eventually end up carrying more than you can hold. But if you become too strict with your boundaries, you become an ***hole.

Now I’m trying to look at my failures not only as places where I “failed” someone, but as signals. And to ask myself a few questions:

  • Where did I say “yes” even though I already knew the real answer?
  • Where did I avoid conflict, even though honesty was what could have preserved the relationship?

Personal strengths do not always look like strengths at first. Sometimes they look like problems. Until you find the right context for them. And until you learn to hold boundaries.